Happy Canada Day! :::chugchugchug:::

This ten-year-old Molson commercial always made me laugh, and sums up a LOT about being Canadian: "...the beaver IS a proud and noble animal!"

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DQAKECNrqMQ

Kanye West, self-proclaimed "proud non-reader" and douche

"Sometimes people write novels and they just be so wordy and so self-absorbed. I am not a fan of books. I would never want a book's autograph."

I have just one question for a man in his thirties who is proud that he doesn't read books [yet has produced a 52-page spiral bound book he would like you to buy and read yourself, saying his non-readerness gave him "a childlike purity"], who blogs in ALL MOTHERHUMPING CAPS, who will leg-hump anything covered in fur or gold-plated - aaand that question is not: Kanye? Kanye stop being such an asshole for five minutes? but:

Bitch, do you know who the fuck this is?

Of course you don't.

UK emergency rooms brace for an onslaught of freezer-burned vaginas

According to Del Monte's spokewhores, "The limited edition Daniel Craig lollies are available in blueberry, pomegranate and cranberry, and contain less than 100 calories each.
They will be available during the first National Ice Cream Week which runs from today until June 7."

Until June effing 7th? Fuck that shit, it is ALWAYS Ice Cream Week chez Juno.

And see how I made it to the end of the post without making a "suck on Daniel Craig" joke? My mom would be so proud.

Oh. My. God. :::thud:::

File this under I Knew My Nipples Were Hard For A Reason: Hugh Freaking Jackman and Daniel Effing Craig are going to be on the same Broadway stage this fall in A Steady Rain, or maybe it's that dude Rain from Speed Racer, or maybe even Purple fucking Rain for all I care - all I know is it's got my naughty bits aflutter. I am already looking into selling a kidney on eBay to finance this trip. Seriously, I already have time booked off in September/October, in anticipation of the Vancouver Film Festival, but seriously? Fuck the festival.

edited to add: I had two separate pics of Craig and Jackman, which shoved the text from hell to breakfast; I just couldn't bring myself to use the Photoshopped pic Google found for me of both guys side by side, waist-deep in the sea. I mean, once you start Photoshopping guys together, it's only a matter of time before you go over the edge and start including yourself in said pictures. That way lies madness, and lonely evenings at home playing "pretend wedding" with your cats. Just ask Jennifer Aniston.

now *there's* something you don't see every day...

Unless you're me, and buy your weed from the Compassion Club, that is. [Plus, :::shrug::: Vancouver.]Want to blow your mind even more? Call 'em, press "2" for the daily menu, and listen to what 7 - 10 different strains of cannabis, plus extracts, infused oils, cannabis butter, tinctures, hash and edibles are available. Speaking as someone who smokes and votes, I'm looking forward to the day when this won't blow anyone's mind.

Wolverine's CANADIAN - fuck yeah! [eh?]

Jackman to self: "Yes, I am a sexy beast."

On behalf of all the estrogen in the theatre last night? Squee! Welcome to Juno's harem, Hugh. Now pull up a chair and get to work massaging my feet, you magnificent bastard.

blog nuts

OK, quick rundown:

I have a bathroom ceiling, yippee! This means that when the pipes burst again next spring [as is their wont], I'll be dealing with NON-asbestosy material all over my apartment. Which I guess is a good thing. Sort of.

Ma soeur TJ and I went halves on some patio furniture for mom, and mom & I even got it mostly assembled before TJ returned with dinner. Unfortunately, dinner was from the only non-sucky Japanese restaurant for miles, which packaged every single item it could into its own separate styrofoam container. I mean, I'm not advocating gyoza swimming in sunomono, but the rice? Can easily go in the same container as the teriyaki beast. Whatever, I'm going to have to buy some carbon credits or make a huge guilt donation to Greenpeace, or the Green Party, or really anything with the word "green" in it to offset my guilt. I'm sorry, planet. We won't order from there again.

Between the ongoing repair in the bathroom [seriously, it was a month from start to finish at least] and drama with a noisy new neighbour, I frigging NEED my stupid toothbrush that plays Destiny's Child's "Survivor" for 2 minutes while I brush and psych myself up for the day. Sometimes you just need to start off [and wind up] your day with the ultimate breakup song. Hence the blog nuts.