fa la la la la

Octoberfest

Wow, October was busy. Wallowing in new movies for the first two weeks at the Vancouver International Film Festival, college applications, milestone birthday and Halloween (BEST. HOLIDAY. EVER.) Basically a whirlwind of weird cinema, cake, stress eating and costumes – why can’t every month be October?

Happy Halloween

Happy Canada Day

Hyack Anvil Battery Salute (yes, really)

It’s time for Hyack festival (the formal name given to May Day celebrations in New Westminster) and that means the Ancient and Honourable Hyack Anvil Battery Salute. It's a New Westminster tradition going back to Queen Victoria’s day, when in lieu of an actual 21 gun salute, gunpowder was placed between two anvils and then ignited from a safe distance (thank you, Wikipedia). So I've slept through every other chance to see this for myself...what? Trust me, day 3 of a 3-day weekend is the worst possible time for waking early to listen to loud noises.



The far end of that metal pole (I believe the technical term is ‘boom stick’) is glowing hot and will ignite the 2 oz. of gunpowder between the two anvils, sending the smaller, 150-lb anvil a few feet in the air. Note the guy standing fourth from the left protecting his junk from the ensuing blast wave.



Woo! Action shot! Note the anvil in midair at head height. Maybe Mr Fourth From the Left has a point; a rogue anvil to the crotch is no joke.



Wanna see it again? You would? Okay!



In between salutes, these guys would run in and quickly lay down new gunpowder and lift the 150-lb top anvil into place. What looks like a weenie roast in the foreground is the metal pole's tip being heated to red-hot to ignite the gunpowder.

After the anvil salute ( I lost track of how many exactly; I quit counting after 8 or 9 times) we all stood up for “God Save the Queen”.

Sometimes being a colonial is both charming and bizarre.

Happy 420. Now pass the damn chocolate.

It’s 420, and I have the day off for the first time in EVER, so I (briefly) toyed with the idea of going down to the Vancouver Art Gallery and lighting up with the rest of the crowd.
Cops and the population in general here are relatively cool with personal marijuana use, as long as you’re sensible and discreet about it. April 20th is the one day where thousands of people gather at the Vancouver Art Gallery (which was formerly the courthouse), to light up in a show of good-natured civil disobedience. Cops might watch, but I’ve never heard of any arrests or interference.
It IS tradition, and civil disobedience DOES rock…but I’m almost twice the age of the majority there, and there’s a point where partying with the youngsters gets a little…skanky?

Reasons to celebrate privately:

5] The cannabis chocolate truffles (made exclusively for the Compassion Club by Naomi's Naturals; dark chocolate with NO herb taste, rolled in Saltspring Island coffee...nom nom nom) were going to kick in any time

4] It was looking like rain (I know, it ALWAYS looks like rain)

3] Pho, barbecue and KFC (none of which can be found at the gallery) were pulling me in three directions simultaneously

2] I had just been to the BCCCS and between the pot truffles, cannabis and hash was loaded for bear…and couldn't wait to get home and roll around in it.

1] Dear Guy With Pot Leaf Necklace and Rapper T-Shirt Blowing Smoke At the News Camera: do me a favour – DON’T be on my side. Next year I’m going to dress like a businesswoman and tote my briefcase and ‘sexy librarian’ self down there to give the event some much-needed class.

That said - pass the dutchie.

Worlds Collide: Valentine's/Olympics/Chinese New Year

I'm gonna cop out and remind you all about a picture being worth a thousand words.



Tinseltown is a multiplex/failing mall by Stadium Station. The far entrance opens onto Pender, right in Chinatown, so the Chinese New Year parade always starts from inside the mall, then up Pender. Unfortunately, I missed the parade due to scheduling conflict [i.e. sleeping in and avoiding crowds]. There's vendors and [above] troupe after troupe of girls dipped in glitter and lip-synching to Lady Gaga. SO. CUTE.



Tinseltown's theatre peeps were nice enough to let me have five 11" x 17" Imaginarium of Dr. Parnassuss posters. Sweet. Curtis and I saw it at VIFF in October, and I've been looking for a cool souvenir ever since. See what you get when you say "please"?


T&T Supermarket for lunch to go and...Year of the Snoopy?



Geoduck: (pronounced gooey-duck )a giant mud-burrowing bivalve mollusk occurring on the west coast of North America, where it is collected for food [NOT A SEX TOY]. Its shell valves are not large enough to enclose its body and very long siphon
I wish I had a ruler for scale. These things are massive; I'm talking horse cock. And I'm guessing "geoduck" means "cock and balls" in Latin :::cradle the shell valves, work the siphon:::
This was the closest I got to peen on V-Day. Sads.



I take it back, THIS was the closest I got to peen on V-Day. So many people were wearing red on Sunday [red for Canada, red for Valentine's] that I almost didn't notice Team Russia on the train. And no, it's not a trick of perspective, they were frigging HUGE.

I'm holding out for chicken and waffles. Because I'm classy like that.

"...fancy places like Red Lobster or Golden Corrall"?? No. Comment.

WANT vs. DO NOT WANT

Arm porn: pretty much the most flesh on display in Supernatural. I feel like a Victorian-era horndog who has just gotten a glimpse of raw, hot, SEXAY ankle.
Dlisted.com reports some other piece won the role of Conan the Barbarian in a franchise reboot over Jared. Fuck my life. Seriously. Jared Padalecki in fur undies on a 3-story multiplex screen would SO have made up for the straight-to-DVD Christmas movie, Thomas Kinkade’s Home for Christmas, that I misspent an hour of my life watching online during the Christmas holidays. My only excuse is Supernatural was on hiatus and I was jonesing badly.
Even so, I still bailed at the movie's halfway point.
It's not that Jared's bad in it [although I will never watch it again], it's the character he plays, Thomas Fucking Kinkade, hack painter extraordinaire. I hate the unbearable tweeness that is Kinkade and I'm talking HAAAAATE with the burning intensity of a thousand fiery suns kind of hate. The man churns out sugary sweet cottages with warm light glowing from every window, OVER AND FUCKING OVER AND O.V.E.R. In point of fact, for that much orange glow to come from any window would actually mean the inside of the house was on fire [Jesus, do I wish. Maybe with the unbearably twee occupants trapped inside as well.]

Below, a video review from pajiba.com (worth it for the payoff of the reviewer totally losing his shit laughing at the 1:30 mark and dropping the camera)

Jared in a Kinkade biopic instead of a loincloth? Oh HELL NO. There is no God.

have yourself a merry fucking Christmas

I love that New West city hall has the glitter balls to flaunt, decade after PC decade, unabashedly Christmas-y adornment inside and outside. Hey, NW leaves "happy holidays" for the shopping mall. That's just the way we roll.

I got yer "festive" right here

At left: unintentionally horrifying Santa cake via cakewrecks.com
I need a break from the soppy, saccharin holiday specials on TV. Hence some new Japanese horror [I love the sales bin at Applause Videos on Commercial Drive] that I fully expect to freak me right the fuck out.

look what the mail barfed up

Above: sweet, sweet eBay booty.
Have dug myself out from under a teetering pile of empty toaster waffle boxes for some quick shopping for a Christmas parcel that had to go from Vancouver to the Kelowna branch of the fam [btw, Kelowna has its own lake monster, Ogopogo. I know, AWESOME.] Also cheered up by the arrival of a shitload of semiprecious stone beads ordered back in November. Mostly garnets, but also carnelian, amethyst, coral oh go on and spank me, YES I BOUGHT CORAL BEADS FUCKING HELL, aventurine, iron pyrite & peridot. Pretty. I have lots of ideas for bracelets.

damn, October was fun

at left: the bourbon rack at Memphis Blues BBQ. Wound up October with vampires [Let the Right One In @ VIFC], roadside food [aforementioned bbq joint] and classic rock [Paint It Black] = a very Supernatural night.

I've been too busy having a life to actually write about it. I'd like to feel bad enough about it for a longer entry, but I don't. Let's just say that EVERY month should include two weeks holiday, your birthday and Halloween. And a three-paycheque month. And a huge-ass iMac!
Coming: reviews of the 20+ films seen in October, mostly festival fare. Woo.

-edited because I cannot spell today.

Happy 420, Vancouver

I'm getting a contact high just from looking at all that smoke. *cough*

Did I mention I freakin' love Vancouver? And do you think this shit would fly in the states? Hell to the hell to the HELL to the NO.

January 1st:: heeeurgghh!

At left: yes, I know it's a fricking pumpkin. You do NOT want to see anything more lifelike than this. Trust me.
Even though I didn't have any alcohol New Year's Eve, by 4pm the next day, I found myself thinking, "You know, if you barf you'll just feel so much better." Which was a complete waste of a spicy prime rib breakfast hash with hollandaise sauce and a Limoncello lemonade....god, no fucking wonder.
And since you're wondering, yes, I did feel better. And now I know that Limoncello aka wonderfulness in a bottle, is not to be trifled with.